Archive for July, 2018

Noah 2017

July 31, 2018

Sign of the times..
In the year 2017, The Lord came to Noah who was now living the the United States and said “once again the earth has become wicked and over populated and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans”
He gave Noah the blueprints saying “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I begin to send the rain for 40 days and nights”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard-but no Ark. “Noah!” he roared . “I’m about to start the rain, where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me Lord” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I have been arguing with the inspector about a sprinkler system. My neighbors claimed that I violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.”
“Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving he power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Arks’ passage to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There is a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls–but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. The insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. they argued that the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. ”
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they had conducted an envrionmental impact study on your proposed flood.”
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.”
“To make matters worse , the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered  species”

“So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years to finish the Ark” Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine. and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked “you mean you are not going to destroy the world?”

“No” said the Lord. ” The government beat me to it”

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